My Growth Is Not Linear

* Vulnerability alert * Some of the messages I choose to share poke at my ego, worried that others may view me in a different light if I choose to share as vulnerably as my heart wants… But I’m choosing to share it anyways because that is why I’m here. To be raw. Open. Expressive. Authentic. Genuine. Being this vulnerable can be scary at times, especially when speaking to an audience where the ripples reach those that I have yet to encounter, but it is so rewarding. It’s the process of continuing to re-write my story. At times I find it surprising that anyone else would want to listen or read, but then the new story reminds me that I have something valuable to share and maybe my experience and story will shed light onto someone else that will shift something within them.

I’m writing to say that my growth is not linear. The journey of spiritual growth and embodying our true essence is a daily practice. It ebbs and flows, rises and falls. We live within a society that is continuously accelerating and advancing at a rapid pace, but through this expansion we’ve overlooked many ways where we’ve created unhealthy patterns of pollution, environmental degradation, mindlessness, and social injustice. As we can see in our external landscape, this process is the farthest thing from natural.

Our expectations that we have of ourselves of reaching a certain point of our growth and never facing the same lessons or challenges again only leads to further disappointment and disconnection within ourselves. It ends up beating us down, rather than holding compassion for ourselves and understanding the process. When we compare our growth to the growth of a forest, we see that it is a continuous ebb and flow of elements working together to provide the vibrancy of the forest. If we cast our judgments to the side, we can see the beauty in the rainstorm, the hot beating sun, the hurricanes, and the fallen leaves. We do not judge the rainstorms. We can see that they are a unique and necessary part to the evolution of the forest. If one doesn’t judge a forest, why would we judge ourselves?

beautiful torched ginger that makes me feel like a queen when I look at her

Why do we put the perspective of our growth on a linear scale? Why is it that when we go through challenges or face previous lessons that we’ve already gone through, it’s viewed as regression? In the natural world, there is no backwards or forwards – it just is. We sprout out of the forest, we rise to the light, we eventually break down and give our nutrients back to the soil, and continue the cycle. It’s a process and when it’s organic, it takes patience. If we want to be fully authentic in our growth and embody the principles of permaculture, we aren’t going to use any “pesticides” on ourselves to create rapid growth that lacks depth and nutrients, while polluting our foundation. If we choose to grow at the natural pace of nature, it’s going to take time. Breathe deep and trust your evolution journey. I’m right here with you!

To face challenges or lessons that have previously occurred, doesn’t mean that we aren’t growing! It just means it’s another opportunity for growth and maybe its our time to dive even deeper into the lesson to integrate it and embody it into our lives. A lesson is only important when it is actually integrated and embodied or else we continuously face the same challenges.

In this process, I find it’s important to remember our humanness. This humanness has many flavors of being messy, unorganized, and organic. We learn, we integrate, we evolve, and continue to do the life-long dance. I’m not entirely sold on the idea of reaching a point of “enlightenment,” where we’ve reached the point of all-knowing and growth.

My intentions are for this to be a reminder to all of us to be gentle on ourselves. Take a deep breath of relief. Remember that this process is not linear and with that understanding, we can hold and cultivate more compassion for others and ourselves in this conscious evolution.  

With so much love & support,


2 thoughts on “My Growth Is Not Linear

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