Moving from Doubt to Trust

I was recently at the Florida permaculture convergence when one of my dearest friends came to me and said “Mandalynn… it’s so amazing to see where you are now. Remember this time last year? Remember how fearful you were to go out into the world and pursue your passions? Remember all of the doubt you faced?” I was hit with the memory of us sitting together on my porch a few weeks before I went to Kashi, anxiety flooding through my veins, rehearsing to him all of the things that could go wrong and not work out….

At the time, I couldn’t even imagine what could be possible for me. I’ve always had things planned out and a safety net provided if things were to “go south.” I’ve had strong moments of trusting my path, but within the current paradigm. I’ve gone out and traveled, explored, and went with the Divine flow, but have always had a home and job with income to come back to. This time there wasn’t going to be any home, job, or partner to return to. No safety nets available here. Just fully opening up to my path and let me tell you… I was terrified! But even through the fear… I knew there was something out there for me. This deep inclination calling me forward that I knew I had to listen to and rely on my connection to trust, manifestation, and the path unfolding. This was the true test. I was the bird about to jump out of the nest and trust that I would be able to fly.

Maui, Hawaii ~ Photo by Rya Wait

I realized that I couldn’t even envision what was possible for me because I wasn’t taught to dream. I wasn’t taught that I could actually create the life of my dreams. I wasn’t taught to believe in myself. I wasn’t taught to trust. I was taught to have fear and doubt, focusing on all the things that could go wrong. I was caught in the rat-race and didn’t have a plan that existed outside of it, other than to just abandon it. I had so many dreams and visions for myself, but ultimately no idea how to get there or achieve them. I found myself spending countless numbers of hours trying to research opportunities online, but kept hitting walls of it not aligning with what I was seeking…

When I arrived at Kashi, set up my tent, and surrendered, I was faced with the truth that I can manifest whatever I desire in this life. I looked around and saw that everyone was actually believing in themselves and their paths! I started writing down my wildest dreams and seeing them unfold… I saw myself fully blossoming into my fullest being because I planted myself into the garden of Kashi. A place where I could grow into the being that I envisioned myself to be. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I opened up and trusted.

Summit of Haleakala above the clouds in Maui, Hawaii

Many of us within the organic life process realm are trying to find a lifestyle that’s holistic, well-rounded, and rooted in our morals and beliefs. We cannot navigate our true path while listening to our internal compass by existing within the confines of the dominant paradigm. Sometimes it takes stepping away from our current life to focus on our pure intentions. Removing the layers of conditioning that we’ve received our whole lives and fully tap into what our true desires are and then operating from that pure space. What are your wildest dreams that you want to live in this life? Ditch the doubt, ditch the fear, and ditch the disbelief. Ditch the thought of how others will view you. Think about your dreams as if money or obligatory ties weren’t in the equation. Even if it doesn’t make sense, dream it big, write it down, and plant those seeds… What does your ideal life look like? How do you want to feel? How do you want to spend your time? Then take one step for this to happen. Each step, no matter how small, is indeed significant.

I was remember one of my mentors in Hawaii told me “Mandalynn… Make sure you don’t shoot yourself in the foot… Maybe the next step in your life isn’t going to be exactly what you want, but it’ll be the stepping stone to get you there…”

This year was a series of diving so deeply into my soul and connection with Earth. I could not have come even close to experiencing the amount of growth, knowledge, and experience I cultivated without leaving and trusting. When we look at the cycle of plants going into our gardens, the nursery provides a place for them to grow strong and stable within their container. Eventually, they are ready to move out into the garden to fully flourish into their next stage of life. If we were to keep the plant in the same container, it would suffer, become root bound and eventually die. The stage of transferring the plant into the garden is necessary for the optimum growth and health of the plant. For us, it can be a scary process to face the stage of transplanting. We’re comfortable within the confines our pots and the nursery is all that we’ve known. The garden has many hazards that we may face, but if we are healthy and strong within our pots and know the time is right for us to transition, it’s necessary to trust the process of our evolution.

Thank you for existing on this journey together,


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